Thursday, July 17, 2014

Animal Hoarding*

Let me start this post by saying that if you know me, you know I love dogs (especially one 4-legged Wonder Dog in particular).

But there is a such thing as ‘too many animals’.

My neighbor, whom I will refer to as Dr. Doolittle, is on animal overload.

In the last two weeks she's tried to pawn off offer me a chihuahua, a miniature pinscher and a parakeet.

Here's the zoo next door by numbers:

Dogs: 10
Ducks (full-grown): 6
Ducks (adolescent): 1
Ducks (baby): 1
Birds: 4
Fish: 2 tankfuls

And with a house that’s close to the size of mine, you’d wonder how she keeps them all inside.

Well, she doesn’t.

Those dogs are outside ALL.THE.TIME.

And the dogs bark ALL.THE.TIME.

Public Service Announcement: if you have too many animals to fit in your house, you have too many animals. 

Pictured: 8 of the 10 doggies.
I was able to sneak this photo before their barking alerted my neighbor to come outside 
(where she proceeded to talk my ear off for a half hour).

The older ducks are penned at night, and spend the days wandering around outside. They LOVE our yard. They’re harmless, and they eat bugs so I’m cool with them spending as much time in the yard as they please. 
(In fact, can you guys do some clean-up near the patio? The mosquitoes have been horrible! Thanks!)

Lately there have been some scarring events going down. A few months ago, I came home to a DUCK GANG RAPE going down right in my driveway! The male ducks – who were rather aggressive, I might add – had pinned down the female and were having their way with her, biting at her neck. I doubt this lewd act was occurring after a romantic dinner date of bugs and grass. And they weren’t even gentlemen enough to take her on some soft hay.

Caught in the act! Pornography in my driveway!

The younger ducks can’t be with the older ducks yet because they will get eaten (her words, not mine), so they live in plastic tubs in the dining room. No need to clean your glasses, you read it correctly. Ducks. Plastic tubs. Dining room.

The baby ducks have attached themselves to her so much, that they think she’s their Mommy. They follow her everywhere.

Which led to this actual conversation with my neighbor:

DR. DOOLITTLE: “One night this little duck wouldn’t calm down so I held him against my neck and went to lie down in bed. My husband was like, ‘You aren’t bringing that duck to bed with us’. I guess he draws the line there.”

I take a look around the menagerie of dogs, ducks, fish and birds.

KK: “THAT’S where he draws the line???”

*Dear officials: she isn’t really an animal hoarder. She just has lots of animals, and I took some creative liberties.

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