One year in: soundbites in the KK household. (Day 29)

Last year I blogged about those conversations when you have a newborn, that if neighbors ever overheard you, they might question your sanity.

Well, here we are a year in, and the conversations haven't gotten any less crazy...or graphic.

Here is this year's list of things that could be overheard in the KK house – the 1-year old version:

• "Do you want a flat nipple or a rounded one?" Oh, the nipple talk never ends. We now have two different types of nipples that we use: round for bottles and flat for sippy cups. No matter which one he has, Max gnaws, bites, tugs and pulls on it with his little baby razor teeth...making me VERY happy we use bottles (and not real nipples) to begin with.

• "Can I still point it down when it's like...that?" Not having a wiener makes it difficult for me to know wiener boundaries, especially when said wiener is, er, at attention. Does it hurt him when I point Max Jr. south during a diaper change? Can he pee when he's like that, because that thing is pointing right at my eye? (This is all once I got past the fact that my baby might be secretly watching porn in his crib to end up like this.)

• "Was it a sticky pancake?" No, we're not talking about a new breakfast craze. Once you have a kid, not a day goes by that you don't talk about poop. And you will have nicknames for the different kinds of poop that you encounter. And you'll know them by their smell. Bright side: solid-food poop is MUCH better than formula poop.

• "Let me get up in there with my finger." I can officially add "booger retriever" to my resume. And I'm GOOD at my job. (Most booger retrievals are done while singing "Boogie Fever", FYI.)

Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Day 29: Household soundbites Part 2 (and the second to last daily post!)

Even though he's almost eight weeks old, I still look at Max in wonder. Like, 'This little kid is ours? To keep alive? And take care of?' It's really hard to believe that one day he wasn't here and the next day he was.

Our lives have changed – of course – and some of the more amusing changes are the conversations that go on in our house each day.

On his bedtime sleeper:

"Can you replace the battery? This poor kid has slept without his vibrator for the last week!"


On putting on Max's straight jacket each night:

"Do you think he can breath?"

"Since he's screaming, I'll go with yes."


On Max's chubby maturing arms and legs:

"This little boy has more rolls than a bakery."


On halitosis:

"Hey, I don't think he has bad breath because he doesn't have any teeth."


On poop:

"Did he poop?"

"What color was his poop?"

"Why hasn't he pooped?"

"Do you think he's pooping now?"

"Is that his poop face?"

"What is that up his back? Ew. Poop."


On trying to take a holiday photo:

"He cried the whole time. I didn't get one good shot for Christmas."

"Maybe he doesn't like Jesus."


Once again, on feeding:

"Is this a new nipple or the old nipple?"

"New nipple."

"How can you tell?"

"By the way he sucks on it. He likes the new one better."

"Typical guy."


On waking up at the wrong time:

"Max, go back to sleep. Wake up in 20 minutes after Mommy finishes her beer."