Day 8: At least I'm wearing pants

A few months ago, in what I can only describe as a monumental life change, I changed careers.

After 12 long years, I left the comfort of the creative agency I had called home - sometimes literally, as there were weeks I would spend so many hours there - and took a new job. 

I was now the new Marketing Director at the surrogacy agency we used to build our family. My work world and my private world collided, resulting in me working each day for something I had a lot of passion and heart for.

My reason for changing jobs was simple: I needed to be present more for my family. 

In my new role, I would be working from home, getting back the 2+ hours I would spend in the car daily commuting to work. We could eat as a family. I was no longer hopping on a plane every other week. And I could participate in daycare drop-off and pick up. And maybe - if I wanted to get a little crazy - I would have time to work out again.

The question I get asked the most since taking on my new role is, "So how is it working from home?"

And here's the honest answer: it's hard.

I don't for a minute regret my decision, but working from home takes dedication (not to mention amazing time management skills). Because as crazy as it sounds, it's hard to stop working.

I remember one Friday in particular, I dropped our son at daycare and was back home by 8:20am. I sat down at the computer and started working. My to-do list was a mile long, and the emails never stopped coming in. The next thing I knew, it was 5:30pm and Mr. KK was coming in the door after picking up our son. 

The minute I spotted Mr. KK, I jumped up off my stool. When you're at home all day, you don't have the pleasure of conversations with anyone, besides yourself and the house plants. I started talking his ear off, and told him, "This is the first time I'm getting up off my stool! I haven't peed since 8am and I haven't eaten anything all day!"

If you can get past the fact that you'll start talking to yourself, a huge benefit of working from home is the dress code. Comfy and casual. Ponytail hair. Make-up free face.

One small glitch in my 24/7 pajama plan: my new coworkers LOVE Skype. As in, VIDEO calls. Meaning, they can SEE ME.

How I appear on the top: hair and make up done, nice top and some days, a statement necklace. Lip gloss if I'm feeling extra feisty.

What I'm hiding on the bottom: leggings, yoga pants and on a "dressy" day: jeans. Chances are I'm wearing slippers. And I'm knee-deep in laundry that needs to be folded.

It can be our little secret.

Day 10: I Suffer from OCLD

It's a serious illness. 

And my struggle is real.

I am self-diagnosed, of course. Because I highly doubt someone with a medical degree could examine me and declare that I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Lock Disorder.

My disorder is the most severe when I'm traveling. Especially when I'm traveling for work.

And you know what doesn't help my condition? Checking in to my room and then arriving at the door to find that it's not even closed. Instead, it's being held open by the security latch.

So of course this means I check the closet, the shower, under the bed and behind the curtains to make sure there isn't someone there, waiting to murder me.

Oh, and speaking of curtains and murder, I'm pretty sure my room was a gruesome crime scene prior to me arriving.

There seemed to still be blood stains on the curtains.

So how does one cope with OCLD when she travels so often for work?

She uses every lock imaginable, and builds a barricade against the door.

My husband thinks I'm crazy.

I think, safety first!

How to survive your first week back at work (with the fewest tears as possible)

I went back to work this past week.

I know.

Throughout my entire time home, I never thought about going back. Mainly because I knew I would obsess over it, and I didn't want it to ruin my time with Max.

And – I will admit – going back wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Here's some advice that helped me make it through my first week back:

1. Call in an Act of God. For me, it was a blizzard. Timed correctly, Mother Nature can really be on your side. Blizzard 2015 resulted in 1.5 days working at home, which meant extra snuggle time with my little nugget. The distraction you select is up to you: hurricane, flood, swarm of locusts.

2. Let people take you to a welcome-back lunch. Order a cocktail. Or three.

3 Bask in the glory of answering: “How’s the baby?” Gush about anything – and everything – you can about your little bundle of joy until they lose interest (about one minute). Once they move on, quietly wait until the next person welcomes you back and asks the same question, and immediately launch into how smart/cute/amazing your baby is. (Refrain from over-sharing, such as poop color and green eye mucus.)

4. Daily showers! You get to take a shower every day! And wear a bra! In fact, your office probably encourages it.

5. Relish all of the free time you have. That’s right, free time. Yes, you’re at work, but when was the last time you found yourself with a few empty moments where someone wasn’t waiting for you to do, well, everything for them? Pay a bill. Update your Facebook status. Put your head down on your desk and take a nap.

6. Go to the bathroom. Remember all those days you thought your bladder was going to burst because you just couldn’t get to the bathroom, like, ever? Guess what? You now can PEE WHEN YOU HAVE TO, instead of waiting for your mother to visit, or when the baby is napping.

7. Your diaper duty has been cut by 75%. The chances of you having to change that explosive diaper after four days of not pooping are pretty slim. That one time when you had to cut off his onesie? Yeah, someone else is dealing with that.

8. Stalk your baby app. Your childcare provider willingly agreed to update the app each day. Become OCD over every diaper change and feeding. Text questions. Make them regret ever agreeing to use it.

9. Two words: Saturday and Sunday.

10. Post-work snuggles. Remind yourself of that little face that’s going to light up when you walk in the door, and that no one can ever replace you. You’re the Mommy, after all.

The WORST Question You Could Ask a New Mom

As I settle into my third month of motherhood, I’m getting used to being asked tons of questions.

And I’m happy to answer most of them. As most New Moms would be.

There are three questions, however, that I think are taboo. These questions should never, ever be asked of a New Mom.

First: “Are you getting enough sleep?”

Sure, everyone knows that all new moms are sleep deprived, so maybe you’re just looking for confirmation. However, this question insinuates that she looks tired, which is almost worst than saying ‘You look tired’ because it shows you don’t have the guts to outwardly insult her; so instead you’re going to hint at the fact that she has circles under her eyes darker than a Kardashian tan.

Second: “Do you think you’ll have another baby?”

Honestly, people, her oven hasn’t even cooled down yet! Right now New Mom is doing all she can to make sure her baby is fed, diapered and happy – all while trying to stay sane, keeping an every-other-day shower schedule, and making sure she’s wearing a bra when company shows up. Now’s not the time.

But the worst question – and I mean THE WORST question – you can ask New Mom is this: “When do you go back to work?”

A little part of me just died even writing the words.

How am I supposed to leave this face???

No new mother who is home caring for her new baby even wants to think about the day she has to change out her pajamas into her big girl clothes, kiss her little one good-bye for way longer than a nap, walk out the door and drive to the cruel place that is holding her hostage from her baby for 8-10 hours, causing her to miss every coo, smile and milestone.

So, please, do us all a favor and Just.Don’t.Ask.

When we found out we were having a baby, we made the decision that I would stay home with him on leave for as long as I could. Our son was born via surrogate, which meant I wasn’t able to take advantage of my company’s paid maternity leave, because I wasn’t physically giving birth (don’t even get me started). But I was able to take advantage of FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act), and in the state of Connecticut you can take up to 16 weeks (most states it’s 12 weeks). Plus, it took six years for our little nugget to get here, I was going to do everything possible to spend as much time as humanly possible with him.

I MAY be breaking every parenting rule out there by letting him 

nap on me all day but I don't care. I can't get enough of him. #sorrynotsorry

For those people who know me, they understand that I’m a severe Type A personality. I’m as organized as they come and a perfectionist, so I took my job very seriously. So they’ve been asking me about going back to work since my second week home. They know my job can be pretty demanding, with long hours and last-minute travel. These are all things that don’t mix well with having a baby at home.

And every time they would ask me when I was going back, I would muster up a smile and look them in eye, “The end of January. But we don’t talk about it.”

So instead, I play a little game of make believe in my head (and my own little world, apparently) that I’m not going back to work. It’s how I escape obsessing thinking about leaving Max every day.

Conversations in our house have been going something like this:

MR. KK: “When you go back to work…”

KK:  “What do you mean? I’m NOT going back to work.”

MR. KK: “Right, right. Well, IF you were going back to work, what time would we need to get Max up?”

KK:  “Well, I’m not. But if I were to guess a time in that horrible scenario, I’d say 6:30am.”

"Mommy? Please don't go."

Pretend is fun, but I’m a realist. So even though I’m not going back to work (wink, wink) we’ve started Max on the ‘When Mommy Goes Back To Work Schedule’, which pretty much starts to implement a regular time for him to get up in the mornings that allows me to wake him up, snuggle with him and feed him before I have to go to the place that is robbing me of spending time with my son work. The new schedule also allows me to have play time and bath time after I get home.

NOTE: Alternate names of this schedule are: ‘Mommy’s Sorry She’s Abandoning You Schedule’ and the ‘Watch Mommy's Heart Get Ripped Out Schedule’.

So please, ask me ANYTHING except you-know-what.

Because we’re not talking about that.