I know most of you are hung over, and some of you may not have even gone to bed yet. So I'll try and keep this short.
I'm not a celebrity. Or a Nobel Peace Prize winner. And I didn't even go to this college from which you're graduating.
So why am I talking to you?
Because I'm a real person, whose mind hasn't been clouded by Hollywood or zillions of dollars. I'm just a college graduate who entered the 'real world' and just went for it.
In other words, I'm you, twenty years from now.
As you embark on this big beginning, here's my advice to you:
Get a job.
I know it's not as fun as going to the beach, or having a root canal, but that's life.
And just so you know, your first job isn't going to be awesome.
It might not even be in the field you studied. So look at this job – and every other job that follows – like this: as your stepping stone to your next job.
Go in every day, work hard and learn as much as you can, so you can leave and get a better job. You'll learn something at every job you work, even if you're only pouring coffee at Starbucks.
With friends, less is more.
I know it was fun to go clubbing with 12 of your closest girlfriends, or play basketball with your 8 top buddies. But I'm going to be honest with you: no one has THAT many best friends.
Best friends? Probably not.
Best friends are those people you love and admire and respect, and who bring out the best in you. The ones who will tell you to your face that you're being an asshole. They aren't the people you just tolerate because they live there, only call when no one else is around, or who hands out back-handed compliments like, "I love how you don't have to work hard."
These people, they are just your friends. Meet them for cocktails, attend their weddings and send them holiday cards. But reserve the term "best friend" to those select few who actually earn the title.
Find your own 'cool'.
College – like high school – is filled with people wanting to be like other people.
Outside these walls, people want to be different.
It's actually quite liberating to be yourself.
Find what makes you you, and do it. Even if no one else is.
So, Graduates, congratulations and good luck.
Now take your young metabolism, ridiculously in-depth knowledge of technology, and perky boobs and get away from me.