Setting: our house, oh, every single night
ME: “In five minutes we’re going to put our jammies on.”
Five minutes pass.
ME: “Ok, bud, time for pajamas. We can COME RIGHT BACK AND PLAY when we’re done.”
Max jumps up and runs to the counter, pointing at a canister.
MAX: "Animal cacka! Animal cacka!"
ME: "Max, we're not having animal crackers right now. It's time for bed."
MAX: "MY animal cacka!"
ME: "Yes, they are your animal crackers. We can have some tomorrow. Right not, it's time for bed."
Max runs over and grabs me by the hand. He looks deep into my eyes, very serious. "Animal cacka," he tells me solemnly.
ME: "How many animal crackers did you ask for?"
ME: "And how many animal crackers did Mommy give you?"
ME: "So you ate all the animal crackers for tonight. Tomorrow, we'll have more."
Max then runs over to his little kitchen.
ME: "Let's go, Max. It's time for bed. Come on."
Max ignores me and takes our his broom and dust pan and starts sweeping.
Part of me doesn't want to stop him, as the floor could use it a cleaning.
ME: "Max, let's put the broom away and go put our pajamas on. It's time for night night."
Max drops the broom and dust pan, and runs over to his trucks. He drops the floor and proceeds to play with his tractor.
MAX: "My Daddy!"
ME: "Yes, your Daddy can put you to bed."
I move towards Max, and he immediately turns into a limp piece of spaghetti on the floor.
I don't know how toddlers do it, but they know EXACTLY how to lie down so you can't grab them anywhere.
MAX: "ANIMAL CACKA!"
ME: "No, jammies."
MAX: "My Daddy!"
ME: "You want Daddy to put your jammies on?"
MAX: "No. My Vito!"
I finally wrangle all 35 pounds of him up off the floor and start moving towards the bedrooms.
ME: "What jammies do you want to wear tonight?"
MAX: "Fire engines," he cheers happily. "And animal cackas!"