Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Day 11: Soundbites in the KK household

Whether we're bestowing sound advice onto our baby, or making daily observances, not a day goes by that we don't say something that's worthy of being written down (so that we can torture Max later in life).

On successful feeding:

"Ugh. I got the faulty nipple again. Can you bring me a new nipple? No, that one's too soft. No, not the discolored one. That one – the hard one."

On trying to put Max down for a nap:

"Well, did you turn on his vibrator? He can't sleep without his vibrator."

On life advice:

"Max, if you don't try to eat your bib, you won't be disappointed when you discover it's not food."

On crying:

"Max, really. Stop it. You're acting like a baby."

On his dramatics during bath time:

"Well, it's official. He hates being naked. At least we don't have to worry about him turning into an exhibitionist."

"Or a stripper."

On Max developing folds and rolls as he gains weight:

"Dude, you have more nooks and crannies than an English Muffin."

On getting dressed:

"Max, you have to wear pants. This isn't the Vegas Strip."

On playtime:

"I only know the first 4 verses to 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'."

"Who knew there was more than one verse?"

"Well, obviously. The song can't end after simply establishing the fact that this girl has a fleecy lamb. There needs to be more to the story. An antagonist or something. And maybe a cliffhanger ending."

Ah, the joys of parenthood!

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