Whether we're bestowing sound advice onto our baby, or making daily observances, not a day goes by that we don't say something that's worthy of being written down (so that we can torture Max later in life).
On successful feeding:
"Ugh. I got the faulty nipple again. Can you bring me a new nipple? No, that one's too soft. No, not the discolored one. That one – the hard one."
On trying to put Max down for a nap:
"Well, did you turn on his vibrator? He can't sleep without his vibrator."
On life advice:
"Max, if you don't try to eat your bib, you won't be disappointed when you discover it's not food."
"Max, really. Stop it. You're acting like a baby."
On his dramatics during bath time:
"Well, it's official. He hates being naked. At least we don't have to worry about him turning into an exhibitionist."
"Or a stripper."
On Max developing folds and rolls as he gains weight:
"Dude, you have more nooks and crannies than an English Muffin."
On getting dressed:
"Max, you have to wear pants. This isn't the Vegas Strip."
"I only know the first 4 verses to 'Mary Had a Little Lamb'."
"Who knew there was more than one verse?"
"Well, obviously. The song can't end after simply establishing the fact that this girl has a fleecy lamb. There needs to be more to the story. An antagonist or something. And maybe a cliffhanger ending."
Ah, the joys of parenthood!